Sometimes I have one of those days. I get hung up on the things that I can`t change and the regrets of things I can never rectify. Being the type to get as obsessed about things as a dog with a bone, I can really take things too far. One time, I got so caught up in painful episodes from my past that I ended up smashing  a door to pieces just to try and push away the pain. It`s times like these that I`m forced to answer the big questions.

Is it all worth it?

You die in the end anyways. Why keep fighting when all you can foresee is more struggles?

With the little control I have over things, how do I WANT to die?

Don`t misunderstand. I`m not talking about suicide. I`m just talking about the way I would like to leave existence, a way that I can feel content about. To know how to live, first you have to learn how to die. Death is coming for you. It could be today, it could be 10 years from now. If you don`t know, why act like it won`t come until some lofty date far in the future. You are alive now. You brush with death either knowingly or unknowingly every day. It`s coming for you and you can only put it off for so long. Are you scared? Scared of nothing?

The way that I see things, everything is nothing and nothing is everything. Your whole existence will mean next to nothing in 100 years. Everything you know and do will only be sending the slightest vibrations through the chain of causality by then. There is nothing permanent about us and yet we are the subjective filter through which we experience everything. When I`m gone, my everything will mean nothing. While I`m here, what is really nothing will seem like everything. This world that we know is nothing but chemical bonds and vibrations.

So, how do I want to die? I want do die living. I want to die with a sense of self gratification. If possible, I want to die in a non painful manner.

Sounds like a great way to live!


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